I'm well aware there's a bit of a problem

Where is this thing that I call heaven?
What is it doing here on earth?
Who is this holding my umbrella?
Who is this looking up your skirt?

You always wear it with a sense of style
I like to wear it with a smirk
You make me wait for just a little while
I open up my mouth and yell

I'm home, you're home, I'm all alone
Why can't I call you on the phone?
I really don't know