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or Albums: BN, Gordon, MYSD, BOAPS, RS, Stunt, Maroon, Disc 1, E2E, BFTH, [MISC].
or Albums: BN, Gordon, MYSD, BOAPS, RS, Stunt, Maroon, Disc 1, E2E, BFTH, [MISC].
If I Had $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd buy you a house
I would buy you a house
If I had a $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd buy you furniture for your house
Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman
If I had a $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd buy you a K-Car
A nice Reliant automobile
If I had $1,000,000 I'd buy your love.
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had $1,000,000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had $1,000,000
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there
Wouldn't that be fabulous.
(† Version dependent.)
If I had $1,000,000
If I had $1,000,000
I'd buy you a fur coat
But not a real fur coat that's cruel
And if I had $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd buy you an exotic pet
Like a llama or an emu
And if I had $1,000,000
If I had a $1,000,000
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
All them crazy elephant bones
If I had $1,000,000 I'd buy your love.
If I had a $1,000,000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a $1,000,000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a $1,000,000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would. We'd actually make the treefort
from the first chorus out of it. Mmm.
(‡ Version dependent.)
If I had $1,000,000
If I had $1,000,000
I'd buy you a green dress
But not a real green dress, that's cruel
And if I had $1,000,000
If I had $1,000,000
I'd buy you some art
A Picasso or a Garfunkel
If I had $1,000,000
If I had $1,000,000
I'd buy you a monkey
Haven't you always wanted a monkey?
If I had $1,000,000 I'd buy your love.
If I had $1,000,000, If I had $1,000,000
If I had $1,000,000, If I had $1,000,000
I'd be rich.
Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson
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Buck Naked Version: The songs on this cassette feature only Steve and Ed playing guitar, and occasionally, tambourine and keyboard. Version dependent lyrics: First break (†): Maybe we could put a fridge in there somewhere Ed: We could go up there whenever we wanted Steve: We could have something to eat maybe Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner But we would Ed: It's a tasty treat- Steve: It's a very tasty treat for the whole family | ||||
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Barenaked Lunch (Pink Tape) Version: All the songs on this cassette were recorded on Ed's Yamaha 4 track recorder, with Ed and Steve producing and Ed mixing. The cassette features Ed, Steve, and the Creeggans. Unfortunately all were mastered incorrectly, and play too fast. Version dependent lyrics: First break (†): Maybe we could put an itty bitty fridge in there Ed: We could go up there whenever we wanted to Steve: Open the fridge and there'd be snacks and stuff Ed: Cool! Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: But we would Andy: Well you know— Ed: Tasty stuff! Steve: It's fabulous! | ||||
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Barenaked Ladies (Yellow Tape) Version: Version dependent lyrics: First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little, tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: We could go up there whenever we wanted to Steve: We could have like snacks and beverages Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: But we would Steve: Look, I like Kraft Dinner, I think we'd eat more | ||||
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CBC Variety Recordings Version: This disc was issued to radio stations by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. All versions are pre-Gordon versions, recorded in August, 1991. Version dependent lyrics: First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: We could just sorta go up there and hang out Steve: I'd open the fridge and see if there were any treats left over from last week Ed: And of course there would be Steve: There'd be several Ed: I get the best treat Steve: I'll have the fruit Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: But we would eat kraft dinner Steve: Just thinking about it makes me hungry Ed: We'd need a heck of a lot more Kraft Dinner Steve: If I had a $1,000,000 I don't know what else I'd spent it on... Steve: Except ketchup maybe | ||||
  
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Gordon Version: Andy Creeggan: Piano, vocals. Jim Creeggan: Double bass, vocals. Steven Page: Vocals. Ed Robertson: Guitar, vocals. Tyler Stewart: Drums. with Dave Allen: Fiddle. Lewis Melville: Pedal steel. Bob Wiseman: Accordion. and The Surburban Tabernacle Choir: Dave Allen, Mike Barber, Gregor Beresford, Arlene Bishop, Chris Brown, Erica Buss, Meryn Cadell, Dave Clark, Andy, Jim and Naida Creeggan, Matthew DeMatteo, Kate Fenner, Mike Ford, Murray Foster, Jean Ghomeshi, Gene Hardy, Natalie Harbert, Shelley Hines, Sally Lee, David Matheson, Lewis Melville, Jason Mercer, Janet Morassutti, Keith Nakonechny, Blair Packham, Jo-Anne, Matthew and Steven Page, Steve Pitkin, Jason Plumb, Ed and Wilma Robertson, Tannis Slimmon, Tyler Stewart, Earl and Wayne Stokes, Martin Tielli, Tim Vesely, Veteran Warhorse, Bob Wiseman. One of the first songs that Ed and I ever wrote together, "Million Dollars" has been played in almost every show we've ever done, and it alternates as our crowning achievement, a classic, a modern-day standard and, well, the bane of our existence. Still, it seems to resonate with people, and we're definitely proud of that. Our mention of Kraft Dinner has led audiences to pelt us with boxes of macaroni and cheese (please stop it), South Park's creators to fashion Terence and Phillip after me and Ed (okay, that's just my own paranoia), and one fan to tell us he almost died laughing when he heard our song, because Kraft Dinner is "just about the cheapest meal you can get." You got it, brother. - Steven Page, 2001. Version dependent lyrics: First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: You know, we could just go up there and hang out Steve: Like open the fridge and stuff There would be already laid out foods for us With like little pre-wrapped sausages and things Ed: Mmm- Steve: They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon Ed: Well can you blame them? Steve: Yeah! (Laughing) Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Steve: Of course we would, we'd just eat more Ed: And buy really expensive ketchups with it Steve: That's right, all the fanciest ket- Dijon ketchup! Together: Mmmmmm. | ||||
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Rock Spectacle Version: Recorded live at either the Riviera in Chicago or the Olympia in Montreal, in Spring 1996. Jim Creeggan: Bass guitar, double bass, vocals. Kevin Hearn: Accordion, electric guitar, keyboards, vocals. Steven Page: Acoustic guitar, electric guitar, lead vocal. Ed Robertson: Acoustic guitar, electric guitar, vocals. Tyler Stewart: Drums, vocals. Version dependent lyrics: Introduction: Ed: I'd like to make a dedication, we don't... we don't usually make dedications at all but... I met this woman today, she was the sweetest woman I ever met. Ed: I was walking down North Clark by Belmont, down there, and this little old lady comes up to me and she says 'Excuse me, but do you know where the Bryant St Theatre is?' and I said 'No, I'm sorry I'm from out of town.' and she said 'Well, for Christs Sake!' Ed: That's what she said and I said 'I'm... I'm sorry.' she goes 'Well?' Steve: Really?? Ed: Well, Yeah! Steve: Cool! Ed: 'I'm sorry, no I don't.' Ed: 'Well, for Christ's Sake!' (Little Old Lady's Voice) Ed: 'I said I'm sorry' Ed: 'Well?' (Little Old Lady's Voice) Steve: You know she had been wandering round the same corner- Ed: I actually felt bad, I walked away and thought I should have known where that was... you know, I really should, like, maybe I'll look for it and then try and find her. Ed: I was actually thinking stuff like that, then I thought what am I doing? I should like go find her and say 'Lady, you're an idiot!' and when she goes 'What?' I'll go 'Well?' First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: Little tiny fridge and me, maybe I could direct that old lady up there, Ed: Oh the Bryant St Theatre, it's right up that ladder, lady. Ed: Welcome, to the Bryant St Theatre, have a fruit roll-up. Ed: Aren't you going to eat it... oh For Christ's Sake! Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: But we would! | ||||
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Enid Single Version: This version was recorded by the CFNY Discovery Mobile Recording Studio at the El Mocambo, Toronto on April 27, 1991. Version dependent lyrics: Introduction: Ed: And now here's one from our first tape. First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny Coleman Cooler in there Ed: We could go up there whenever we wanted to and sorta hang out Steve: Crack open that cooler, there'd be like little drinkin' boxes Ed: Amazing, we could have like Abe Vigoda, Don Rickels and Lee Majors come up there, and we could talk about the filming of Keaton's Cop Steve: Or we could just make fun of them, you know... Steve: Guys! Get some parts! Tyler: I got 2000 parts Ed: I got some bionic parts Tyler: I got some 2000 parts Ed: Oh, here's some soap Tyler: I got some 2000 parts Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: Oh hey, but we would, of course Steve: They've got that Super Mario Kraft Dinner out there Ed: Good stuff Steve: Mmmm...Boincht! Steve: Is that the sound?...Boincht!? Ed: They have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Kraft Dinner that actually attacks you while you eat it... Ed: Ketchup everywhere... It's horrible Steve: That's right Steve: Do Ninja turtles have red blood- Ed: I dunno Steve: Or do they just have ketchup? Ed: Not sure, I suffocated the one I killed
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KBCO Studio C Version: | This version was performed live in the studio for the radio program "Studio C" on August 23, 1993. Version dependent lyrics: Introduction: Ed: Well, we're going to do a song called "If I Had A $1,000,000 Together: If I Had A $1,000,000, the first thing that I'd like to do... (singing) Ed: Here comes a hot guitar link Together: Hot... Guitar... Link... (singing) Together: Hot... Guitar... Link... (singing) First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: I mean, we would just hang out in that tree fort Steve: We would pour big glasses of milk and drink them with our finger Ed: YES! Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: But we would eat Kraft Dinner Steve: Macaroni- Ed: That's tasty stuff Steve: -and Cheese Steve: You know, if you don't feel like eating the cheese sauce, you could make some other kind of sauce, put it on the macaroni and save the little packet as a fragrance sachet for your sock draw Ed: Or maybe a fragrance sachet for exodor's closet
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Live From the River Music Hall Version: | This is a live charity disc benefiting RAINN (Pape, Incest, and Abuse National Network). This track was recorded in studio at WXRV 92.5 The River (Boston) on April 21th, 1996. Credits: Written by Lloyd Edward Elwyn Robertson and Steven Jay Page. Version dependent lyrics: Introduction: Ed: This is kinda a favorite here at the radio station Together (singing): Ed: Right here at Kenny Roger's Roasters First break (†): Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere Ed: Sure, a fridge, you know Steve: Open it up... the fridge... open the fridge Ed: It's open, it's just the light's busted Steve: Ok, so you open the fridge... roll the six-sided die Ed: I wanted- Steve: There's still nothing in there, roll the ten-sided die Steve: There's a diet Pepsi and a lemon Steve: Eat the lemon Steve: Roll the four-sided die Tyler: The lemon is bad Second break (‡): We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner Ed: Ah nice- Steve: The choice, though, of a new generation who've stolen the slogan from Pepsi and we've adhered it to Macaroni and Cheese made by the fine folks at the J.L.Kraft Corporation Steve: Now, Kraft, isn't that owned by Phillip-Morris or something now, or R.J.R or one of those? Ed: Something like that Steve: Is it Phillip-Morris? Steve: So I understand they're regulating the nicotine content in the cheese Steve: That's a big problem Tyler: They always knew cheese was bad for people, they just didn't tell them Steve: But they've said, there's no concrete evidence even today, to show that macaroni noodles are addictive Steve: There are no male or female genitalia on the face of Jo Campbell either, right? Ed: This is just a little special treat, especially for the studio audience Ed: People listening at home or in your cars are just going to have to imagine it Ed: But we've got the entire dance chorus from Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation Video here right now, and they're just kinda, busting a move in their.. happening.. ah, riot gear and it looks really cool! Ed: Hey, are you guys enjoying the dancers? Studio Audience: [Cheering and Clapping] Ed: Big hand for the dancers Tyler: Janet, put those ribs back in! [shouted in background] |